very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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