On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
