He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
