hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize