I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
