wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
