You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize