I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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