That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
only you would photoshop your dick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize