so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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