I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize