Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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