So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
