Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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