I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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