It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
