In America we eat man semen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
