you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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