who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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