I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you never un-have a 4some
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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