The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
