I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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