yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
