She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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