You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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