i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
