I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
