That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
