I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
