I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
