We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
