So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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