she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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