she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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