There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
