I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
