I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize