Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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