..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
