Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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