Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My cat gives me a boner
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
