Who wears a wallet chain?!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
