i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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