What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
