your parents love me but you hate me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
