I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
