The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
