Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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