Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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