You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
