Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
