he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
