oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
