You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
