she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had sex on a roof
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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