One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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