You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
