I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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