we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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