Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
