I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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