Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
