i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
