just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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