i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
