So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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