you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
