I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
