i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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