Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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