I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
