There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize