the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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