You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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