so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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