I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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