I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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