if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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