So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
