I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
