I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
