Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize