Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
