Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
