i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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