Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pants are for mortals
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
