I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
