I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
