Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
