id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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