'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
do nipples grow back?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
