I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
