I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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